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Have you ever found yourself questioning why you or your significant other is friends with a certain someone? The friendship sometimes gives you pause because you recognize red flags that you are hoping that you don’t possess and that your mate doesn’t have and has been successful at hiding from you. Well, don’t be so hard on yourself. More times than not, players of a feather flock together.

That friend who is known to get into fights when drunk. Guess what? Your mate either condones the behavior or displays similar characteristics so they don’t feel the need to judge.

That friend who is a known cheater or player or playette. Guess what? That is the friend who will be able to alibi your mate should he or she need to cover up their tracks.

That friend who is a known druggie. You got that right, your significant other likely partakes in those substances when they are out of your view.

Many will say it isn’t right of us to judge others or should we judge people by the company they keep. That is a cop out as we all use our judgment daily to make decisions on what or who is right for us. Judgment is what reminds us to look both ways before we cross the street. Judgment is what tells us not to get into a relationship with a well known playboy or playgirl. Use your judgment to protect yourself from heartache or a ruined reputation. It’s when we override our judgment with excuses that we are complicit in breaking our own hearts and wasting our time.

A quote to remember is, “It is better to be alone than in bad company.” Bad company reflects on who you are as a person, what standards and morals you hold, and  the reputation of your company, whether notorious or righteous, will have an effect on how you are perceived whether you like it or not.

Your acceptance of friends goes to illustrate your judgment of character and the type of person you strive to be in or out of relationships. Some friends will add to your growth and others will need to be left in the past. Not everyone you meet is bound to you for a lifetime, once you recognize the red flags in the friendship it’s time to end their season with you so that you can continue to grow, protect your reputation, and your relationship with others.

Yes, the friends you choose could cause you to lose other friends, relationships, and even employment. Ask yourself, is rolling with the wrong element worth it. Maybe it’s time you found a different type of bird to flock with.

Image courtesy of photostock at
Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and Amazon bestselling author of Flag On The Play. Ms. Reid is also a legally trained Conflict Mediator/Coach who specializes in family and domestic disputes. Ms. Reid writes an advice column, hosts events, facilitates workshops, and speaks nationwide on a variety of topics. For more information email

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