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You can’t do that. You can’t wear that. You can’t go there. Wait, I thought I signed up for a relationship, I didn’t know it would come with a prison sentence.

Is this a relationship or are you your mate’s captive prisoner?

While it is wonderful to want to do things with your mate, for your mate, or to please your mate having them be mandatory clauses takes away free will. That is not what relationships are about; at least not in this day and age.

Why do people feel the need to control the actions of other adults by placing restrictions on them? If your mate is invited out on a girl/guy’s night out don’t become an obstacle. Let him/her freely decide to join or not join their friends for a night of fun. Becoming an obstacle shows your insecurity and trust issues; both of which are red flags and relationship killers.

Your job is not to control your mate, your job is to love, honor and trust your mate. He/she should do the same. Let go of the leash/chain or whatever apparatus you are using to keep him or her in check and watch what happens when they are given freedom.

If your mate goes out and doesn’t honor the relationship then no amount of control was going to keep them honorable in the first place. You’re only stressing yourself, your mate, and adding artificial prison cells in your relationship. If your mate is the type of person who does not respect themselves or their relationship then freedom will illustrate that to you and you can give the relationship the death sentence it deserves.

Your past relationships may have been with someone who could not be trusted. That is not your new relationship. You cannot give a prison sentence to your new mate for the transgressions of your exes. That is not only unfair to your new mate, but also unfair to you because it is clear that you are not emotionally ready to move forward from the hurt of a previous relationship.

So, stop playing warden and correctional officer. A relationship is not a prison. A healthy relationship is about two emotionally healthy people who have freely chosen to join forces on this journey called life. The freedom of that decision is taken away when arbitrary rules are imposed.

Please remember, love is not about control. In fact, the more you feel the need to control your mate, the more likely love is missing from the equation.
Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and author of Flag On The Play: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right in a World Full of Mr. Right Nows.

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