It’s late and she notices her man’s phone has received another message while he is in the shower. The temptation is overwhelming for her to hop out the bed and check the message before he does. She resists. When he gets out the shower, she tells him that he received a message. He checks it and smiles the way he used to with her in the beginning. Her intuition echoes “oh no, it’s that girl from work again.” She slightly growls in her throat, casually inquiring, “Hey babe, who is that?”
“Oh it’s nothing, Susan from work just sent me a joke about something that happened in a meeting earlier,” he replies with a puzzled look on his face, then replies to the text.
Her stomach hardens with jealousy. Her jaw clenches like her fist clenches the blanket closer. After a few more message exchanges, she can’t resist any longer and asks, “Is this the same Susan who keeps liking all your pictures?”
“Babe, wait, you can’t be serious. This is my co-worker. Come on babe, there is nothing going on between us. She thinks I am funny.”
He leans over and attempts to kiss her cheek. Tonight was supposed to end with passion. She doesn’t reciprocate; instead she rolls over, turning her back to him, thinking “he can’t be serious.”
He sighs heavily knowing that another night will pass without them having fun. “Fine! Whatever. Here you go being insecure again!” He walks out the room.
She springs from the bed, following him into the hallway. “You make me insecure! When is the last time you laughed at my jokes? Why is it when I text you at work, you have a problem with it, but it’s cool for work chicks to be texting you at 11 o’clock at night?” She grabs him by the shoulder.
He turns around waving his finger in her face with one hand and pushes her against the wall with his other. “You can’t be serious. This is a friend from work. It’s innocent. I don’t understand the problem.” He grabs his keys.
“Oh, just leave like you always do! You never understand the problem. Forget I ever said anything.” She slams the door shut behind him.
Ladies, let’s have a quick Q&A session from a guys perspective.
Question: Should she have gone to bed mad with unresolved issues?
Answer: No, she should take a deep breath. And calmly
Question: Should she have confronted him with her sneaky suspicions?
Answer: Yes, she should voice her concerns, but in a way that he doesn’t feel nagged. She should first understand that her man most likely communicates from an objective perspective, which is different from her subjective nature. Objective: he uses facts and logic to fix problems. Subjective: she uses emotion and feeling to DISCUSS problems. Understanding this key difference in communication is important.
Question: Should she wake up in the morning and act as if nothing has happened?
Answer: The answers are ‘no.’ This couple is experiencing trust issues that they both need to fix quickly.
Question: How can she communicate with him without arguing?
Answer: Pour him a tall glass of his favorite drink and ask him to enjoy it while listening to her for 5 minutes without interruption. She needs to clearly tell him what her expectations [LINK ‘expectations’ TO ONE OF MY ARTICLES –> http://www.urbanitylife.com/love-lost/the-grey-the-progression-from-like-to-love] are for him to make her feel comfortable and why failing to do so can lead to PROBLEMS. Comfort leads to trust. Clearly defined problems lead to solutions. She should use more facts than usual to help him understand. It’s natural for her to communicate her feelings, but it’s likely their emotions have different intensities. If she doesn’t know his favorite drink, she can use water; it works as well.
Question: How does she maintain the status as his favorite woman in the world?
Answer: She should do the exact opposite of what makes him bored. Some men have an insatiable need for ego stroking. She should get to know her man’s appetite so that she can satisfy it before someone else does. It’s only natural for other women to recognize the same qualities that she does and possibly more.
Question: How does she get her man to WANT to behave in a trustworthy manner?
Answer: She should warn him not to be selfish. This other lady’s behavior is a little inappropriate being they are in a relationship. She should tell him how other women can sometimes be conniving towards gullible guys.
Question: How does she trust him?
Answer: She should appeal to his natural tendencies of being a protector and a provider by giving him something to protect. She must make it clear that her heart is vulnerable and deserves to be protected by her man.
This relationship is in serious jeopardy. In the social media age, degrees of separation have become minuscule. It’s very easy for inappropriate communication to happen between men and women. Men and women are wired slightly different. Our communication styles are objective (facts/logic) vs subjective (emotional/conceptual). Once the two of them can begin understanding each other, they will become more comfortable with each other. The trust levels will increase.
The next time you have the urge to argue/nag your man, please try the advice above. Leave a comment and add to this important conversation.
Written by Spurgeon Thomas