GRRRR! SO AGGRESSIVE: Women who need to be in control

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“If you can’t handle me, it’s because you’re not a strong black man”- aggressive black woman

Dear Women I Haven’t Slept With,

There’s many things I will attempt to explain or rectify in this blog. Why most black men don’t want to deal with aggressive black women, two, out of what need did this aggressive behavior originate from, and last, what can we do to reduce this epidemic. I’m far from an expert, but let me give you my opinion.

Black men aren’t working, black men aren’t succeeding, black men aren’t even trying. I can see the reasoning behind the aggression. Black men want to treat all black women like they’re “bitches” and “hoes”. Black men want to be in charge of the relationship, yet they can’t even control their own lives. Black men are underachievers and can’t financially or mentally support a household. I’d say definitely, these men need an aggressive woman in their lives. But then the real question is why women are dealing with these brothers? Many of you need to know when you’re dealing with a loser and take it as a loss and move on, but that’s a blog for another day. Stop investing in worthless stock. But when you’re dealing with a good brother, why do these same women feel the need to be aggressive?

The definition of a good brother is different depending on who you to speak to, but to be very vague let’s just identify this brother as one who is doing the right things 9 times out of 10. If there are any ladies reading this blog now who identify with being aggressive, I want you to think about why you are aggressive for a minute while I give you some things to ponder. Well, what is an aggressive woman? An aggressive woman is defined as a woman who needs to control everything around her, especially in the relationship. She reacts without thinking and attempts to intimidate others by being extremely vocal. She has a desire for a leadership role in a relationship and will not allow a man to lead her. She wants others to simply do what she says because she knows what is best for her and them too. Now let’s make the clear distinction between being aggressive and being assertive. An assertive woman is a confident woman who demands that her voice is heard, but remains respectful. She values the thoughts, feelings, and opinions of others, and she wants equality. She values security over control. You can feel her presence when she walks in a room and she doesn’t have to be rowdy. Glad we cleared this up.


When I think of aggressive women, I think of Tasha from “Why Did I Get Married”, the Tyler Perry movie.

It’s natural for people to want to be appreciated for the great things that you do. The reason a good brother will not be with an aggressive woman is because she is more than likely to not show an appreciation for the things he does for her. And it’s not because she doesn’t like it. It is simply because aggressive women tend to see things that are a privilege as an inherent right. Aggressive women have the tendencies to be forward about what they want and require, and this easily turns to complaints and criticism when they aren’t immediately catered to. No man is perfect, but who wants to always be reminded of his shortcomings. Aggressive women are notorious for focusing on the negatives instead of the positives. Some women see this as a way of getting things done effectively, but let me give you a little hint. If a man is shrinking when do this to him, then the way that you are communicating to him is detrimental to the relationship. Regardless of whether you feel you are right, is that worth jeopardizing the relationship? Also, most men do not like women are very outspoken in public, or what I like to call “fight starters”.

Whatever happened to brothers surprising women with gifts, trips, and restaurants? Aggressive women will tell you where they want to go, what they want to eat, and what they want you to buy them. It sure does take the fun out of everything. Bottomline is you have to let a man be a man. A man always wants to find new ways to surprise his woman, not new orders from her.

Well, where did this come from? This comes from brothers not doing what they’re supposed to. Women had to step up and be assertive in order for them to be respected and heard. So at the same time I can sympathize with the black woman and I comprehend her aggressive nature. But she has to learn how to recognize a good man. All men don’t need an aggressive woman. Being aggressive subliminally lets a man know that you don’t have any confidence in him or how he will manage the relationship. Honestly, there’s no reason for a woman to be aggressive. And if you find yourself being aggressive in a relationship in order for you to get what you deserve, this means you are exerting too much energy into this relationship and you need to let it go. Relationships are meant to be relaxing and rewarding experiences, not exhausting and filled with tension. Give that man the opportunity to lead, and if he can’t, he’s not the man for you.

Written by Bryant A. Buntin, Author of Dear Women I Haven’t Slept With.


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