PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE: Get Clarity
So I’ve been reflecting on my dating life for the past year. To be more specific, I’ve been reflecting on all the mishaps I’ve experienced over the year. Whether it has been meeting with women who suddenly realize that they are not equipped to battle in the coliseum, me not having enough scrilla to maintain an Atlanta housewife, or females lying about their sexual prowess, the courting process has left me a bit perplexed. Frustrated. Angry even. Still, I continue to see blogs, memes, and status updates stating that females want an intelligent man that can last in bed and treat them right. Oh and their income is not important! I shake my head in disgust because I possess these qualities but I’m not what most females I encounter want (notice I said encounter).
“Who knows what women want better? Women who think they know what they want or guys who date them and have to provide her wants to get her?” This was a question asked by a guy in one of the groups that I’m in online. Now while I thought the inquiry had merit, many females in the group found the question rather obtuse, which was evident by the derogatory memes and comments that quickly spewed out following the question. What should have been an interesting dialogue turned sideways . . . quickly! The brother (bless his heart) tried to defend himself but did so in a manner that just added fuel to the blazing inferno! I honestly felt sorry for the guy because I could hear his frustration and the mob didn’t help matters. Instead of a common ground being reached, the brother was raked over the coals and verbally beat down.
This thread went well on into the next day and it didn’t get any better. As I observed the comments, it only made me want to leave the dating arena. As I stated before, I didn’t have a problem with the question but the interaction between this guy and the females was . . . . disturbing. Very disturbing. Instead of answers, there was just more confusion. Honestly, it depressed me because I see so much of this verbal violence online between the sexes weekly. I’ve learned that if a question is being asked (especially as it pertains to learning the other sex), we should take the time to answer. Nine times out of ten, others in the audience have the same question.
Have you ever gotten to the point in dating where you just want to throw up your hands and just say fuck it? I’m kinda at that point right now. As of today, I’m taking a break from the coliseum of dating. (And to think cuffing season is in full swing!) I’ve fought quite a few lions. I’ve stomped on quite a few trolls. I’ve gotten up off the ground more times than I can count and I have to accept the fact that right now, I’m not equipped to win. I can’t risk death and not know the purpose of the fight. So does this mean that I’m just not going to date anymore? Hell nah! What it means is that I need to pause and hear what is truly being said by the other sex.
Ladies, let me first say that I love you all madly. However, you leave a lot of us brothers confused. I understand that we speak differently. I get that. However, how is that some of you can say one thing but mean another? For the life of me, I cannot understand that! Uuuuuughhhhh! Maybe it’s because I’m a little too logical (which I’ve been accused of . . . . ). I believe that if a woman informs me that she wants to be called beautiful everyday, I will sing of her appearance daily. I shouldn’t be reprimanded for doing what has been asked of me (i.e. Is that all you can say about me?). Or, if my lady conveys to me that she wants to relax after a hard day, we will order pizza or Chinese, watch Netflix, and chill (actually chill). Relaxing to me does not equal spending close to two hundred dollars at the W hotel on dinner for two!
I can already hear you saying “That’s because you date the wrong females!” Yeah, I agree to a certain extent. However, I think most of it deals with people being themselves and making sure that there is clarity in their words. Instead of dressing our answers in jargon for the approval of others, we should make sure that there is a general understanding. That goes for both men and women. I see people giving these convoluted answers that really don’t make sense! For example, why would people say that there is not a strategy to dating? Really? So if you see a man/woman at work or church that you are attracted to, you are not going to find a way to get close to them? Oh okay. Another tall tale I hear is that women will date men who have no money, stating that the man’s income is not important. That is not true! As men, we know that if we go out with a female, at some point it’s going to take some dinero to take you out. There are only so many times we can take you to a park and museum before our lady wants to rock that new dress.
So what are you trying to say Michael? Simply that we should pause and seek clarity. In this dating world, words have many different meanings. For example, broke to me means having no money and having to borrow from someone else while broke to you may mean someone only making $16 an hour living check to check. If a question is asked, provide a truthful answer. Leave the convoluted answers to the quacks on daytime television.
Written by Michael Dock, Guest Blogger for Code Red Flag and Founder of The Wednesday Gentleman
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