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You recently met a guy. You find him attractive, he finds you attractive so you start developing a quasi friendship to get to know one another. He texts, likes your photos and posts on social media, he may even give you a ring on the phone from time to time. You’re beginning to like him and want to allow yourself to be vulnerable for the possibility of something more to be built from the foundation that seemed to start out so great. My suggestion is to wait until you’ve had a chance to ask him about his intentions.

Wait to understand his intentions. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you allow yourself to be vulnerable with your heart, your mind, your body, your family, etc. just to find out his intentions were different than yours. While you were thinking soul mate, he was thinking bed mate. While you were looking at him like someone you could build an empire with he was looking at you as prey, someone he could destroy. While you were being optimistic about the vast possibilities for a future he was kicking the same game to several other women in the exact same position as you; hopeful.

You were hopeful that you finally found a man with good character. You were hopeful that you finally found a man you like who in turn likes you. You were hopeful because you believed he was making an effort. After all, he was actively pursuing you. In this day and age, that alone may seem like interest. But be wary, some hunters only pursue until their prey is caught.

Don’t be the prey for a man who makes dating a game sport. Instead, ask the tough questions. If he cannot or will not answer them to your liking be ready and willing to keep it moving. A man with good intentions should be able to have an adult conversation with you about why he chose to actively pursue you and what his end goal is. If it’s anything like, “I’m just looking to have fun right now” or “we’ll see where this leads” then put him on ice. If he’s unsure of what he wants in a woman, you need to show him how sure you are that you want a man who knows a good woman when he sees one and will not just do everything to get her but also everything it takes to keep her. You’re worth that. Show him by only making time for Mr. Right and not wasting time on Mr. Right Now.
Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and Amazon bestselling author of Flag On The Play. Ms. Reid is also a legally trained Conflict Mediator/Coach who specializes in family and domestic disputes. Ms. Reid writes an advice column, hosts events, facilitates workshops, and speaks nationwide on a variety of topics. For more information email

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