10 Ways to Know You’re Dating a Real Woman

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In today’s society we see a lot of men and women pitted against each other in the tireless search to find a “real” mate. The terminology real itself is highly debatable as many find it the incorrect word to substitute “suitable,” “excellent,” or “marrying type.” James Michael Sama wrote a great piece helping women identify whether or not they’ve found a Real Man, now it’s our turn to shed a little light on the “not so” elusive Real Woman.

1. A real woman is not just a pretty face

She can list more books she’s read than lipstick shades she owns. She’s book smart and street smart. If she doesn’t know the answer, she knows where to look to get that answer. She also knows that she doesn’t know everything and couldn’t possibly know everything, so she listens. Oh yes, she takes care of herself, but she can also hold a conversation and offers some opinions that make you proud to be her man.

2. A Real Woman Supports Your Goals

She’s the Michelle to your Barack, your number one fan and your cheerleader all rolled into one. She takes an interest in what you’re doing. She celebrates your victories and contemplates your disappointments with you. She makes an effort to understand the lingo associated with your dreams and gives you that “push” when you need it.

3. A Real Woman Has Her Own

She has her own set of goals and her own hustle. She motivates you through her admirable work ethic and works hard to get everything she’s got. She doesn’t take “no” for an answer and can accomplish almost anything she sets her mind to.

4. A Real Woman Has Rules & Expectations

She has her “non-negotiables” and doesn’t budge from it. She knows what she’s looking for in a partner and she knows what she deserves. She refuses to accept anything less for herself because she knows what she can offer in a relationship and she knows her worth.

5. A Real Woman Doesn’t Play Mind Games

No Jedi mind tricks here. If she says it, she means it. If you’re not clear you can bet that she’ll be happy to elaborate and she will be respectfully honest.

6. A Real Woman Respects Your Space

Partially because she demands her own. Every loving couple needs time apart to recharge. A girl’s or guy’s night out (or in) is one of the many things couples do apart that keep them so close together and your woman knows that.

7. A Real Woman Can Remain Calm

Even if she is infuriated in public. She knows that there is a time and place for everything, including arguments. She also appreciates privacy in her relationship and would hate to have her dirty laundry out in the street. She is able to control herself until you both get home.

8. A Real Woman Gives As Much As She Gets

She trusts because she expects to be trusted, she respects because she expects to be respected. She gives Hermes because she expects Hermes. With your real woman, it’s easy to tell what she wants in the relationship and how she wants to be treated, because of how she treats you.

9. A Real Woman “Amplifies” You.

She brings out the best in you and she makes you want to be a better person. Her presence is so comforting she can ease your troubles with a touch a kiss a gentle word. You don’t know how she does it, but you’re glad she can.

10. A Real Woman Can Stand On Her Own

You know that she doesn’t need you, but instead she chooses to share her life with you. She can pay her own bills and can support herself. She needs you for your love and that’s it.

This last one is a stickler. Just because she doesn’t need you to support her doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to build a future with you. Males are often taught that they are a provider, but fail to learn that there are things other than money that can be provided to women. Love, attention and patience are more precious than gold to a real woman and it’s all she needs from a partner to really excel and be the best woman she can. A real woman possesses these traits and much more, it’s your job to make sure you are ready to receive a real woman when she presents herself, lest you catch yourself on the receiving end of her wrath. Make sure she knows that she is appreciated and make sure to stay in her stride. If you realize you aren’t enough for her, resolve to step up your game or do her a favor and cut her loose so that you can dedicate yourself to some serious self-growth.

Written by Kiki Lightbourn, Guest Blogger for Code Red Flag

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Thank you so much for this post! for quite a while now I ve been wondering why my relationship has been going downhill, but I realised now that my blunt honesty and ways of communicating and showing myself in front of my fiancee are not very appealing even to myself if I were and objective observer. So...here's to applying all there is in this article, i'm sure it will bring out the best in me, and my relationship.


Go Kiki, Go Kiki.... very well written and its nice to read something so positive when there are more than enough articles about classless and ignorant (black) woman that are passed around. This was a breath of fresh air.


@MadonnaRogers Thanks Madonna!  The internet definitely needs some positivity and enlightenment for black men and women!


Love it! All the REAL WOMEN stand up!!!