Recently, I was having a conversation with a professional who specializes in assisting both male and female victims of sexual and domestic violence. During our conversation, I realized something quite unsettling with her language… she was using the words “single” and “alone” interchangeably. Someone can be single but not alone, and someone can be in a relationship but very much alone.

We are raised to believe that we MUST find a partner and we MUST do all it takes to make them happy. You’re nobody till somebody loves you. This is especially common with women. When someone meets a single, intelligent person who is attractive and single… gasp they must be mentally unstable or have a fatal flaw. That person’s decision to be single is almost never considered.

We must be careful when we are considering a new mate. Are you choosing someone because you see potential in a relationship or because you feel alone? It’s important to be honest with yourself and make sure you are ready to give what you are expecting to receive. Here are three quick tips to make sure you are ready to be in a relationship:

Do you want to be in a relationship?

Are you sure?

Are you REALLY sure?

It’s silly, I know but there aren’t really any magical questions ask to really know if you’re ready. What it takes is real introspection, understanding what went wrong in your last relationship and understanding your role in that situation. Sometimes it takes years to be ready and that’s ok. You are entitled to happiness and sometimes it takes time to get where you want. The best way to prepare for the future is to enjoy your present.

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Written by Kiki Lightbourn, Guest Blogger for Code Red Flag