SEX AFTER KIDS: 4 WAYS TO KEEP IT HOT
Most couples I know have a fairly active and healthy sex life prior to having children. In many cases their sex life remains active throughout the pregnancy even to the bitter end in an effort to bring the baby out. However, once the baby is born, life becomes a series of sleepless nights, bottles, diapers, exhaustion and sexlessness or at best random quickies here and there since the preference now is to get sleep whenever and however you can over any and everything else.
Another issue some couples face is that for men, his wife has become the mother of his children and his perspective of her has changed. In these cases, the men project their feelings for the own mothers onto their wives which skews their perception of their wives which in turn complicates their ability to see them sexually. For women, the rapid succession of life changes and sudden and ceaseless demands on time, energy, patience, body, mind, and spirit takes its toll. For women, even if you want to have sex, it often falls to the bottom of the priority list, which grows longer by the day.
If you feel like parenthood has become the death of sexual intimacy, the answer is it doesn’t have to be. Try these quick tips to reconnect with one another and get back on the road to a consistent and fulfilling post-kid sex life.
1. Make time as a couple a priority.
Just like you have a calendar to track important dates, birthdays, anniversaries, meetings, doctors and other appointments; you need to make time with each other a priority. Mark it down in the calendar, get a sitter, and go out. Spending time alone with each will help you see each other as you were before kids and will remind you that the person you fell in love with is still with you. You will feel more connected with one another, and your desire for one another will remain strong.
2. Take care of your health.
Exercise, eat nutritiously and prioritize sleep over the dishes, laundry, housecleaning and all the things you have to do, those things can wait. When you feel good, you look good, and your confidence is higher. We all know there is nothing sexier than confidence and nothing more conducive to good sex than leading a healthy lifestyle.
3. Get creative
With children, having spontaneous sex isn’t easy to do; you’re more likely to be interrupted, or if you wait for the “right time”, you might end up not having sex at all. Here are a couple of ideas to help spark your creative juices:
• Take showers together and have a little fun
• Since you’re mostly too tired at night, get it on during nap time
• Go down to the basement to do laundry together and take your time coming back
• If you work near home, make your lunch hour work for you
4. Have a sense of humor
Sex during parenthood fuels laughter and injects fun into the mix; don’t take yourself or life too seriously and delight in the craziness of it all. Relish these funny tidbits and use them as opportunities to share a laugh with one another and to maintain and deepen your connection to one another.
Written by Guest blogger Lia Miller, known to the blogging world as Lia World Traveler, is the quintessential every-woman, a loving wife and mother, daughter, sister, friend, author/singer/song-writer, movie and book buff, DIY loc’d naturalista, food lover, sports and fitness enthusiast, news junkie, traveling fool, diplomat, diversity/social inclusion advocate, and life-time learner. In both her work and private lives, Lia has seen a lot and done a lot and through her writing; she shares her adventures and insights with you at Life As I See It.
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