When last we left we were on #4 and a man must have initiative.

I must admit I am overwhelmed with the comments. Strong women don’t mix words and to have such positive response means a lot.
Before I begin again, let me help you understand why this is so important to me. Simply put I know the struggle first hand and thank God for it. Because there is nothing more attractive than a strong woman but in order to have one I needed to identify some things.

For some time now men have been seemingly struggling with their attraction to but inability to deal with a strong woman in a romantic relationship. Some of us seem, overwhelmed by her natural leadership and aggressive stance. Yes we can woo her, like a peacock showing its feathers, but then once we have her she expects the feathers to be functional…she wants you to fly because pretty colors come a dime a dozen.

Secondly it’s because I believe strong women are misunderstood. They’ve been called difficult, bitches, hard, mean, unrealistic, combative, … on and on and on the epitaph of insults goes on laying her character to rest.

The truth is too many men have not walked in her shoes to understand her. Instead many men of our generation and the next have been raised hanging on the skirt of a strong woman who has mothered him but not taught him to how to be the kind of man she would have wanted. So they spend their lives Momma’s boys spoiled rotten looking for mother to take her place.

With that said let’s move on with this list…starting with…

5. The strong woman is NOT your mother. Mothering is a child comfort and as a child in their world it is all about that child .

It’s not all about you any more sir. Childish selfishness has no room here. Take it from me I’m as selfish as they come.

Strong women can nurture, but they don’t mother grown men.
Remember how the mom was always the last to sit and eat dinner after everyone was taken care of?

Well remember this and you won’t go wrong: Children sit at the kiddie table and pout, but the strong woman never sits, instead she moves and carries the load for the good of the family.

She’s looking for someone as strong as or stronger to help her lift what she’s been struggling with alone. That’s a Partner.

As a help meet you’ll find none better than a Strong Woman, but she cannot be help meet to a boy.

6. Strong women are attracted to men in control, but not controlling men. There is a difference.

A man in control is one who is in control of himself not others.

Controlling men are looking to:

A.) Be validated,
B.) Be secure, and
C.) Prove themselves.

A man in control is already validated, secure, and needs to prove nothing to no one. This means he has room to trust and be trusted, he can manage stressful situations much better, and Most important He Is A ROCK!….HER ROCK

We see strong women as controlling but that’s a mistake in many cases, they just have strong personalities and habits. She’s been depending upon herself for so long and it has worked for the most part. She wants to give it you, she wants you to hold her, she wants to be able to run to you.

She refuses with all her might to fall into someone’s arms who cannot carry her because he’s too busy fighting against her to lift up himself over her.

Self-discipline, character, intestinal fortitude, personal inner strength, confidence, ability to yield without feeling challenged, ability to calmly deal with challenges, willingness to pray for, about, and upon her and the family… Is a man In Control.

7. Lead.

It is my experience and observation that strong women love a leader. There is nothing more attractive than a man who leads, but you are not entitled to this position in her life just because she let you get close.

Some of us men, especially Christian men, believe we are entitled to this leadership position on the virtue of us just being a man or because we think the bible said so, or whatever.
What company would ever let you walk in and be a “leader” without a proven track record? Yet you expect this strong woman (for Christian men this Proverbs 31 woman) to let you into her well managed life and take over on GP? You want to quote scripture about the ordained leadership of a man but you can’t even put a ring on her finger to be ordained as HER Man? Get outta here!

Listen “I’m the man” is not a declaration of leadership to a strong woman. All that means is that she has to check to see if the seat is up before she sits down to pee. That’s about it. Most men who feel they have to make that declaration aren’t really standing where they pee at anyway.

The strong woman is more than willing to follow you bro, she wants too but you need to be going somewhere, not standing in one place making vain proclamations.

Who you are and what you are shows in what you do, not in what you say. So if you want to be understood as a leader then move out in front and stop looking over your shoulder to see if she’s following. Simply Lead.

8. Don’t BS her… Just don’t.

Too many brothers talk about how difficult a strong woman is, but that’s following a line of BS in which they got caught in.
I can’t even elaborate on this one… Just don’t do it.

9. Understand Her.

Look one of the misinterpretations of her demeanor is that she is angry and hard to get along with.

Further research would show that she has been through a lot.. a lot of promises, a lot of abuse, a lot of struggle, a lot of hurt, a lot of bad advice, a lot of prayer, a lot of falling, a lot of getting up, and a lot of bums. It’s not baggage; it’s a repertoire of self-defense so as not to ever have to lift that kind of baggage again.

An in control leader knows what he’s working with. She’s not perfect nor is she immune correction and the necessity of change, but you need to understand her in order to facilitate that change.

Habit #5 of highly successful people says “seek first to understand, then to be understood”. If you want success with her, then seek to understand her Bro.

10. The Panty Dropper…. CONFIDENCE.

Now I know what you’re thinking but I didn’t mean it that way.
Here’s what I mean. It’s time for him to drop his panties and have Confidence in her.

I said it. Nothing messes with a strong woman’s respect factor the most than an insecure man who can’t trust her and whines about it.

A strong woman draws a crowd, moves a room, networks, and is beautiful doing it. Don’t only be proud of her but uplift her edify her. If she’s center stage then you hold the spot light.
Take her for her word.

Trust who she says she is.

Know that no one can change her mind about you, not even you because she chose you and struggles with you through your issues.

A strong woman is Not Feeble Minded. So stop treating her like any old dude can take her, when the real issue is your insecurities about yourself make you feel like you’re the “any old dude” that took her.

When you see yourself as garbage you think garbage has a chance. But that’s not who you are or at least that’s not what you portrayed when you went after her.

You got to let her be who God created her to be. If you sought her out trust Him and trust Her.

Look brothers. We know what some men are about. I don’t trust them either, but trust her.

She’s a winner for a reason.

The more you fear her leaving you the more you push her away, and believe me it’s not to another man because the strong woman is just not that thirsty.
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Now all of this is not to claim the woman is infallible, but some of us have done our good strong women grave injustice to their characters by being weak ourselves.

Here’s the kicker fellas. When she loves you and you’re weak in areas but admit you’re willing to grow… she’ll be there for you. That’s what makes her who she is.
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Kenyon Martin, Guest Blogger for Code Red Flag