SEX: DOES IT MATTER WHEN?
A female friend of mine asked me a question. She asked me “If woman sleeps with a man on the first night that she meets him, will he look at her any differently?” There’s two answers to this question. One is the truth and the other is what should be the truth. The truth is that most men will probably look at her differently. What should be the truth is that this shouldn’t matter, and this concept is only exercised by a few of us mature enough to understand that this doesn’t mean much. I’m not going to waste my time explaining why or why not you should do this, because it is a personal preference. What I want to talk about is why men will look at a female different and why I find it hypocritical and counter productive.
Legend has it that a female who sleeps with a man on the first night is a whore, slut, jumpoff; probably does this all the time with different men, and can not be taken seriously. Indeed, there could be possible truth to this, but I feel we have to examine people on an individual basis. Legend also has it that a female who makes you jump through golden arches of fire in order to sleep with her has respect for herself, hasn’t slept with many men, and is a keeper. There could be possible truth to this, but once again, this is an individual analysis. I feel that men who adhere to these myths are idiots because you are using one characteristic or action to judge a person’s past, present and future. How can you be sure that what she does now is a resemblance of what she has done in the past or what she will do in the future?
To the disbelief of many men, some women who meet a man and want to take it slow have had many one night stands in the past and are quite possibly trying to cover up for it by changing their lifestyles. I’m not saying that this should be held against her, just an observation to take into consideration when judging somebody’s character. On the other side of the coin, a girl who has partaken in a one night stand with you might have never given most dudes the time of day, but something about you made her so comfortable that she decided to sleep with you on the first night. I know a lot of women who put a time frame on when they are going to sleep with a man in attempts to not be depicted as easy or a slut.
Let me put you on to another secret. When a man meets you, he already has stereotyped you. If you do decide to sleep with him on the first night, you have confirmed his stereotype and if you decide to wait a couple of weeks or months perhaps, you are just a playing hard to get slut. You’re probably reading this thinking to yourself saying “this doesn’t make sense.” In reality it does, and I will explain why. A man already envisions his “wife type” in his head. So when he sees her, he just has to make sure that she doesn’t engage in activities that discredits her as the wife type. With this being said, when a man sees you as an “easy target” this is the exact reason he is approaching you and what he expects. Any attempts of holding out for long periods of time will annoy him because he wasn’t interested in meeting you for that. He was not attempting to wife you. You were not held to those standards. So you are displaying “wife-like” qualities to a man who doesn’t want to wife you. Let me give you an inside tip. Men are very visual. When we meet you, we can’t see your personality. But we can see how you look, what you’re wearing, and your mannerisms. These are the key factors that we use in classifying you. If men are always looking to “slide you off” it is because there is an aura that you are giving off that says yard sale. Respect comes within before it radiates.
However ladies, there are a few of us, including myself who are mature enough to understand that the time frame that you sleep with us means absolutely nothing. A few of us know that you aren’t a virgin when you meet us. We don’t assume anything when you sleep with us, other than the fact you wanted to sleep with us barring alcoholic intervention. We don’t deny that you can find love in the club on a one night stand, although when we are in that situation we aren’t exactly looking for Cinderella. In reality, after the one night stand, she could have these same reservations about us. Fellas, imagine her saying “I can’t take him seriously, he let me take him home and give him the business on the first night. He’d probably do that to every girl he met.” Sounds funny right? Imagine if we were judged off of that criteria. Most of us would never be taken serious by women.
In essence, we can’t use sex as a sole criteria in whether a women is relationship material. We can’t go around thinking “wifey would make me wait months before sleeping with me.” For all you know, this girl that you consider wifey could be sleeping with other men at the moment, and it is just taking her a couple of months to get around to you. I have an even better suggestion: Stop trying to hypothesize a person’s past based on one action. If she appears to be decent to you, stop worrying about because she slept with you on day one, she did the same with all the others. As long as you are the only one she is sleeping with from this point forward, it shouldn’t matter.
Unfortunately, the average male brain isn’t wired to accept the fact that the women in their lives have had sexual experiences before them, and that having sex early on in the relationship brings up insecurities because he no longer feels special. His brain is flooded with the belief that the longer she makes him wait, the more exclusive her love is. Yeah, ok, uh huh, right. I’ve seen whores pass themselves off as housewives by this same method.
If you don’t get anything, at least understand that most man aren’t going to base his future relations with you on whether you slept with him day 1, day 10 or day 90. If only it was that simple to figure a person out by just that.
Written by Bryant Buntin, Author or Dear Women I Haven’t Slept With
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