I CARE TOO MUCH TO BE YOUR SIDE CHICK BUT NOT ENOUGH TO BE YOUR WIFE.
Whelp, it just dawned on me. I am not wife material. But I also am not cut from the side chick cloth. What I mean is that I’m too lazy to be a needy man’s wife but I am too selfish to want to share a man. Oh what a conundrum.
How did I come to this epiphany? By reading of course. Before you laugh at me and think that Steve Harvey, Rob Hill, Tony Gaskins, Derrick Jaxn, or another one of these male relationship pimps, oops I’m mean experts have scared me out of the fairy tale of marriage I can promise you it wasn’t them. In fact, it wasn’t any man and his unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a wife. Nope. It was the wives that I looked up to that made me decide that sh*t ain’t for me.
Why is it not for me? Here are a few reasons:
1) I want to be his wife, not his mother.
I don’t want to have to mother a man. By nature I am a nurturer. Not all women are, but I am when I care deeply for someone, whether as a friend or an intimate partner. Let’s not confuse that with me being a mother. I don’t have any kids therefore I’m not trying to adopt a grown ass man who cannot or will not do for himself.
2) I’m not Mary Poppins nor do I strive to be.
I won’t be cooking meals three times a day, seven days a week. I got shit to do too bruh. While I love to cook, I won’t be marrying a man to be his personal chef. If you drop your clothes on the floor expect to find them there where you left them. Never make the bed, expect that it won’t ever be made then. I won’t be ironing your work clothes every night. Hell,I don’t even like to iron mine. Long story short, I’d be marrying you to be your companion not your maid.
3) I’m not going to play dumb to make you feel like a man.
My brothers, my kings, take this from a place of love. No one, not another man, not a woman should ever make you feel less than a man. You either are a man or you are not. Your actions will illustrate that to the world not your assertions that you are a real man or that you are a good man. Real men never have to prove their worth. It’s illustrated by how they live. Nothing I do can ever take away your manhood. If you are a man all you have to do is act like one. I cannot and won’t even try to out man you. You got it bruh.
4) I don’t want to give up my dreams to pursue yours.
I love a man with ambition. In my eyes, there is nothing more attractive. But my attraction lies in the root of your ambition not in the hope of what your ambitions can do for me. I have my own ambitions. I don’t want to be just your little wife. I want to be the woman whom you respect for her intelligence and ambition but whom you love for her heart. I don’t want to be just the mother of your children. I want to be the woman who your children look to as an example, as a role model. In the end, I want to build the empire with you not just play a role in the construction of your empire. Can I come shoot in the gym with you or do you expect me to just play water girl or cheerleader?
What’s crazy is that I’ve always prided myself in being somewhat of a modern, traditionalist woman. You know, Diana Price aka Wonder Woman. The woman who would work her corporate job and her side hustle while still finding time to take care of your needs and our children’s needs but then I woke up and decided that’s just tew much. No wonder the life expectancy of women who marry is less than single women. Marriage literally takes years off of a woman’s life span because there are too many demands on her. Some may say that they are built for it. Hats off too them. I’m not built for that kind of union whatsoever. Whew, I’m tired just thinking about it. So, in conclusion, I’m not wife material. Don’t wife me. I repeat, DO. NOT. WIFE. ME. But if you’re looking for an equity partner holler at your girl. Now that is something I can sign up for. I’ll explain what I mean by equity partner in my next blog. Be on the lookout.
But for now tell me, are you wife material? Why or why not?
Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and Amazon bestselling author of Flag On The Play. Ms. Reid is also a legally trained Conflict Mediator/Coach who specializes in family and domestic disputes. Ms. Reid writes an advice column, hosts events, facilitates workshops, and speaks nationwide on a variety of topics. For more information email firstname.lastname@example.org.
CASE OF THE EX: WHAT YOU GONNA DO?
“It’s after midnight and she’s on your phone, saying come over cause she’s all alone.Read More
WHO PAYS?: Old School Etiquette vs. New School Rules
There are some questions in life you have to ponder. I mean seriously, like sittingRead More