100% Trust is Emotional Fiction, Not Intimate Fact
100% trust is fiction. We don’t even trust OURSELVES 100%, yet many of us have the ridiculous idea that we’re supposed to be able to trust someone else 100% before they’re ‘worthy’ our ‘love’. The ‘100% trust’ fallacy is a cornerstone that the demise of many relationships is built on – many before they even start. The whole idea of 100% trust has somehow become synonymous with “You can NEVER intentionally lie, cheat, or let me down.” Therefore, as soon as you “mess up” – which is inevitable, by the way – your breach of the 100% trust requirement becomes emotionally weaponized as justification for the ‘betrayed’ partner to ‘punish’ the ‘betrayer’ until the ‘betrayed’ party decides it’s ‘enough’ . . . however long that takes.
As long as people are fallible, no one will ever be able to live up to the standard that makes 100% trust possible. All it does is create a dynamic where endless hoops to jump through are established in order to ‘prove’ the depth of love and devotion. Here’s the rub – the hoops never stop. Those who claim that they have 100% trust just haven’t been presented with the set of circumstances to cause them to doubt it yet. Time will usually take care of that though. And when it does happen, they will likely question whether their love is ‘real’ or not; whether the relationship is worth holding on to; whether their partner will ever let them down again.
Allow me to clear up any mystery . . . they will ABSOLUTELY let you down again. If you stay together for more than a few months, they will let you down several times. They may not mean to; they may not try to – but they WILL. Why? Because it is IMPOSSIBLE to put two people into any relationship – ESPECIALLY an intimate relationship – and not have miscommunications, misunderstandings, and erroneous assumptions. Bob Marley said it best when he said, “. . . truth is, everyone is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the one worth suffering for.”
With all that said, 100% trust isn’t necessary to build a lasting, happy, healthy, intimate relationship. The trust that IS required is the trust that both of you will commit to each other to resolve any and all betrayals, disappointments, and let downs in ways that honor BOTH of you. You CANNOT honor your relationship if you dishonor yourself. You also CANNOT honor your relationship and dishonor your partner. Therefore, the trust is in the commitment to honor eachother 100% – NOT that you will NEVER screw up. No one ever had a lasting loving happy 50-year-relationship WITHOUT MANY times of doubt, fear, estrangement, hurt, disappointment, hardship, crisis, conflict, and betrayal of many kinds. They didn’t “make it” because they NEVER had those trials. They “made it” because they TRIUMPHED over them together. IJS
To find out ways that you can overcome them, too, join my email list at www.edenadele.com.
Written by Eden Adele, Premiere Passionator at the Get Back to Passion Institute
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