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It’s 2016 and it seems that some folks would like to see certain established dating/relationship rules changed. I am for some of them. However, I will never be for the woman needs to pay to play game. Don’t demand that I buy your drink when we first meet, ask me to go Dutch (I’m Jamaican) on our initial dates, or expect me to move in with you to go half on your bills. I’m not that modern of a woman nor do I want to be.

In fact, a few years ago I read a blog entitled, “Woman, Buy Me a Drink.” Laugh out loud with me. In it the brother goes on about since “SUCCESSFUL” black men are so few and far between the “rules of engagement have changed.” Here goes the rules according to this blogger:

1. Women will now be required to ask men for their numbers, call them first and pay for the first date.

2. When a successful Black man does not reach out to you, or call you, please interpret the following:
a. He’s playing hard to get
b. You are not the only one vying for a spot on the team
c. He’s waiting for you to prove to him that you are a priority

For entertainment purposes this blog was REAL funny. But back to life, back to reality. Who are these men? Who told them that they are the “cream of the crop?” It is beyond obvious to me that a male that thinks this way is still a BOY aka a man using grown boy logic. What WOMAN wants a BOY? Who keeps gassing these fools heads up? Ladies, STOP IT.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about a woman going for what she wants (I’m that kind of chick). But when males start making these types of demands because they have listened to the media hype about how black woman are desperately seeking Mr. Right, then I become a whole new animal.

How are these males measuring success, a degree, a car, a bank account, a home. WOW, now we’re giving out doggie biscuits for what you should be doing for yourself. Really? #WHEREDEYDODATAT.

Will the real men please STAND UP. You know the God fearing (for those who are religious), monogamous, disease free, no baby mama drama, respectful to others, enterprising, educated, charitable, etc. That is what I am looking for in a man. Your degree is only going to be hung up next to mine (Cornell & Georgetown Law btw), truthfully your money may not be as long as mine (that’s cool I can share). But for some reason I am now EXPECTED to chase you. Wait on it! If that’s what it is with you so called “Successful” men, then I’d rather have someone with potential. I’m guessing since you struggled to get to the “top” or whatever, you find it okay to piss and sh*t on the women that were struggling right alongside of you. Cool beans. I’ll holla.
Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and Amazon bestselling author of Flag On The Play. Ms. Reid is also a legally trained Conflict Mediator/Coach who specializes in family and domestic disputes. Ms. Reid writes an advice column, hosts events, facilitates workshops, and speaks nationwide on a variety of topics. For more information email

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