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Have you found yourself being desperate for a relationship so much that you’ve allowed the wrong relationships to manifest in your life? That could be due to your mindset; the mindset of scarcity manifests itself as desperation.

What does it mean to be desperate? Merriam-Webster defines desperation as “a state of hopelessness leading to rashness.” This desperation can be illustrated when we begin to accept behaviors or circumstances that if we were acting rational or logical we would not accept.

Some examples of these behaviors/circumstances include cheating, domestic violence, stealing; just to name a few. In our heart of hearts, we know that these behaviors/circumstances are toxic, and sometimes even dangerous. But, believing that better situations are scarce, we hold on to all the wrong things.

The Scarcity Mindset

Holding on won’t make things better. In fact, the longer you hold on the more invested you become in a toxic, unhealthy situation. You begin to notice changes in your own behaviors. Maybe at one time, before you succumbed to your desperation, you were the type of person you could be proud of. Lately, you don’t even recognize the person who stares back at you in the mirror. Ask yourself, is it worth it?

Is it worth losing yourself in a situation that is constantly causing you emotional and mental, maybe even physical pain? I know, but you love him/her. And that’s all well and dandy. But ask yourself this, why are you loving the person who causes you pain more than you are loving yourself?

You see, when you love yourself you protect yourself. You protect your heart, you protect your peace, you protect your body, etc. Have you allowed the idea that a good man/woman is such a scarce commodity that you are willing to indefinitely entertain someone who clearly doesn’t love or respect you. Do you believe that your out pour of love will make the situation better? As a woman who has been in such a red flag situation, I can assure you it won’t. What will happen is that your heart will harden, you will erect walls for protection, then when you finally meet someone with good intentions you won’t trust him/her because you remember you can’t trust yourself to make the right decisions when it comes to relationships.

Let go of the scarcity mindset. Start believing that not only can you do better, but that you deserve the best. Affirm that in your life daily because what you believe about yourself will determine what you attract into your life.

“Desperation is like stealing from the Mafia: you stand a good chance of attracting the wrong attention.” ~Douglas Horton


Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and author of the Best Seller Flag On the Play: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right in a World Full of Mr. Right Nows

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