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If you aren’t speaking his love language are you truly loving him to the best of your ability?

Before you answer that question, ask yourself, Am I loving him the way I want to be loved or the way he needs to be loved. Yes, there is a difference. Love is much more than just a feeling. It is a series of actions and choices one makes every day that illustrate that you hold your love interest dear to you. However, your actions may say love to you while they say indifference to him. This is because you aren’t translating love into his love language. He doesn’t understand the way you love, and you don’t understand the way he needs to be loved.

Do you know his love language?

In “The 5 Love Languages“ by Author Gary D. Chapman, the author explains that there is a primary and a secondary way that people express ad receive love. The love languages include: gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time. While your love language may be words of affirmation and quality time, your mate be a physical touch and acts of service type of guy.

By not understanding how he needs to be loved, you are leaving him empty of the intimacy he desires. You’re reaffirming him with words while he craves hugs and kisses. You are emptying your schedule for him so that you can go out on dates but he’s hoping for a home cooked meal or a massage. You think you are the best girlfriend in the world but you aren’t meeting his emotional needs. You just aren’t loving him the right way.

Next thing you know, there is another woman speaking to him in his love language. She’s servicing him, in more ways than one. She’s giving him high fives for jobs well done. All the while you’re scratching your head trying to figure out what she has that you don’t have. It’s simple; she speaks love to him in a way that he understands. He sees and feels her love because they’re on the same page. You never got to that page because you never inquired or took note on how he needed to be loved.

All is not lost. You can love him better if that is what you want to do.

The first thing you will need to do is learn him. You do this by talking to him intimately about his desires.

Be sure not to just talk, the most important part of communication will be listening for understanding. So, don’t assume that you know what he’s saying, ask questions, asks for examples, show an interest in learning how to love him and get him interested in learning how you love so he can return the favor.

Folks often say that no one can break up a happy home, and while that may be true, ask yourself, when is the last time you checked in to ensure your home was really happy? When is that last time you asked him, “hey my love, am I loving you the right way?” These check ins are important in relationships.

Your mate should never think that any other woman can love him better than you can.
Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and Amazon bestselling author of Flag On The Play. Ms. Reid is also a legally trained Conflict Mediator/Coach who specializes in family and domestic disputes. Ms. Reid writes an advice column, hosts events, facilitates workshops, and speaks nationwide on a variety of topics. For more information email

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