Dear CRF, Should I Tell Him?
“I love reading all of your posts about your journey and commitment with remaining celibate. I think it’s great and I pray I can be as strong as you are. Question: How soon after meeting a man do you recommend sharing with him your commitment to God and celibacy. In the beginning were you hesitant to share this information with men? I am finding it very hard to believe men will wait for marriage. Even if the woman has made this commitment NOT to pressure him or manipulate him into marriage BUT because she’s fully committed to God, I am hearing more and more men say they won’t wait. This is discouraging for me knowing that this is my journey as well. Celibacy. I know I just need to lean on God and have faith that the right man will understand and will wait. Any words of wisdom or advice on this subject?”
I am honored that you have been following my celibacy journey and wish you all the best on yours. I make it a practice to tell men who are interested in me that I am celibate very early on. This normally happens within our first few conversations and definitely before I accept a date.
My reason is two fold: 1) I want to waste his time or my time if he would rather not get to know me because of my celibacy and 2) it helps me to determine his values and how he will respect mine.
Other women wait until after getting to know a man more intimately before disclosing their celibacy. Most men I’ve asked say they would rather know right away. But I understand why a woman would want to wait to disclose this information. After all, sex isn’t really a first date conversation so the lack of sex doesn’t need to be a topic either.
As for your concern that there aren’t many men who are willing to wait for sex I understand. But please realize that you don’t need many men to wait, you only need one. Your one. The more men that refuse to wait with you the closer you get to the one who will. And you get to your prince without having to kiss any frogs.
How cool is that?
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