Dear CRF,
“I’m a stay at home mom. Right now I have 4 kids and my husband works. It seems like lately everytime I ask my husband for some money he’s bitching and complaining about it! He doesn’t buy anything in the house he gives me money and I go shop for everything that we need. From kids clothes to household product, stuff for him and myself when I don’t feel guilty for purchasing something new for myself. He has no clue as to how much anything cost but then wants to bitch at me for asking for it. I have not worked for 5 years because it’s cheaper for me to be home with the kids, but now my youngest is in kindergarten and I can probably hold down a part time job. Do you guys think I should go back to work so that I can have my own????I’m like dressed right now about to go start looking.I really hate asking people for stuff even my own husband.”

RESPONSE
I hear the frustration in your question and I empathize with you. Now I want you to take a moment to empathize with your husband. For the past 5 years, in this economy, he has been the only bread winner in the household. Head of household is a stressful position, not saying that mother and wife aren’t. Just take a moment to view this conflict from his point of view.

That being said, the real issue here is the lack of communication between you and your husband. He’s stressed because of finances, you’re stressed because of finances. But, instead of working as a team you’ve both decided to figure things out on your own, making the conflict bigger than it really needs to be.

Would getting a part time job help? Sure, as a bandaid. But until you and your husband sit down and talk about what is stressing each of you out and brainstorm ways to work on your marital issues together the problem will just simmer until it begins to boil over.

So, do yourself a favor, sit down and have a talk with your husband. Remind him you’re on his team and want to help #TeamUs win.

Good luck. And please, if needed, seek counseling before this gets out of hand.

~Dena