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Being fake makes you a Code Red Flag.

There are no good men, they are either married, in jail, or homosexual. There are no good women; they are either chasing after Mr. Wrong, hoes, or homosexual. We have all heard some derivative of both of these statements. We may have even said them ourselves. However, at a certain age, and point in your life you have to start asking if you are the problem. Think about it, if you seem to only attract the wrong type, and have been chronically unsuccessful in love… you are the CODE RED FLAG.

Sure there is an exception to every rule, and there is that one sweet girl who keeps getting done wrong but that is the EXCEPTION not the rule. There may be plenty of reasons why you are single but I will focus on one.
I am just going to speak frankly right now and tell you the truth. You are single because you are fake! In an effort to attract the perfect person who meets all your qualifications you have lost yourself and become inauthentic. Let me walk you through how this happened to you. You send your representative on these dates. You’re on your best behavior, you don’t send the food back even when it is wrong, and you never complain. You go on outdoor dates even though you hate the outdoors. You watch chick flicks and pretend it was “not so bad” even though you hated every minute of it. The person you are dating believes the two of you have so much in common and they are now hooked. Six months later things get rocky and you don’t know why. Turns out you two are not compatible and should have never been together.

Let me be clear, don’t go and air ALL your dirty laundry on date number one. You should dress nice and smell great because first impressions are lasting impressions. What you should not do is create a person that is completely opposite of who you are. There is nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward. The problem is when you lie. You start to become what the person says they want when it is not really who you are. You can only keep up the guise for so long.

He says he likes women in heels so you show up on every date in heels. Never mind the fact that your feet on fire. She says she wants a man who is a provider, and you begin to pay for everything, despite robbing Peter to pay Paul. You fall in “love” and then things go all the way left when the dust settles. You become irritated when he asks you to wear heels. You get mad when she doesn’t understand why she has to keep using her card because your check is late. You find yourself in a constant argument when the truth is you should not have been together. So you break up and you are single again. Ready to become what the next person is looking for instead of being true to yourself.

There is nothing wrong with changing and doing better for yourself, but it has to be for you not them. You have to want to be the girl in heels, how else are you going to master a killer walk and deal with the pain. You have to want to be financially stable enough to support someone else. Which may look like furthering your education, getting a better job, or simply making some sacrifices. If not, it all fails and you find yourself on a roller coaster of relationships wondering why they all fall apart around the eight-month mark.
Written by Toya Carter, M.Ed, Author of The Wife’s Guide to Beating the Side Chick. . Mrs. Toya Carter is a relationship and empowerment coach who is dedicated to helping women find their happily ever after no matter what it looks like for them. To learn more you can visit her site, follow her on Instagram and Twitter. Be sure to check out her fan page on Facebook as well.

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