All of us are taught, well, some of us are educated to know our self-worth. Some of us never learn what our true value is, and spend a life time lost and confused. While those that are fortunate enough to have this ‘hidden knowledge’ are considered to have a one up over everyone else. But I question and challenge that. Is that really true? Is it true that those who know and are in tune with knowing their own self-worth, really lead a better life than other who are clueless about their value?

Could knowing our value be a hurtful thing?  Of course it can be as most things in life can harm us. But because you know your worth doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. You have to know your value and value yourself. Because if you don’t, who else will. So let’s just call ‘knowledge of self-worth’ the proverbial ‘double edge sword;’ if you will.

Now I’m sure those wheels are grinding in your cerebral, because you’ve jumped to the conclusion by thinking ‘he just contradicted himself’. Pay attention class is about to begin.

Some people can and do confuse their value and mix with it fantasy; therefore making outlandish demands and expectations, as far as relationships are concerned.  While others are lost in the jungle without a GPS or any hopes of being found.

The only reason I question it, is simple. You see so many successful people in life as far as jobs and material things lacking a mate. Depending on the person, you may hear them complain or they may suffer silently like some domestic abuse victims. There are even times where some make excuses of having to stay ahead and boasting of their accomplishments to cover the void or lack of having a ‘serious partner.’ Or that may be available to them in the circles in which they run and network in.

Here’s where knowledge of ones ‘self- worth’ can hurt them. Some think success in life is all about money and materialistic items. Not true. Success can come in many forms when it comes to life. Successful in love, friendships, and just being the best person you can be given the cards you’re dealt.

We can get so wrapped up in our financial success that we forget or tend to forget the basics. Being so caught up in what you feel you deserve can lead to conceit and a big reality check that you’re not ready to cash. We ‘feel’ that we ‘deserve’ this or that.

Self-worth can be ones downfall in love if not careful. Because if you make $60,000 a year in your white collar job. But because of your ‘status’ in the work field, you ‘feel’ you deserve someone who’s on your white collar level. But the man that you are interested in makes $75,000 doing blue collar work. Despite you having a good time with this person etc., you still knock them off of the list as a serious contender.

You’d ‘prefer’ someone who looks good in a suit for work and carries a case, like you see around you in your daily work life. So because of this ‘self-worth’ of yours you may just have missed out on a perfect match. To each his own.

We all like to, or I assume we all hold ourselves to high standards. We all feel or see ourselves as 5 star meal. But truth be told, some of those that scream that are really about as good as Red Lobster cheddar biscuit. A person who truly knows their worth doesn’t need to scream about it or go out their way to make it known to others. In truth, their actions and how they carry themselves speak it so loudly they won’t have to utter a single word. The old saying, ‘actions speak louder than words’ does have relevance here.

Once we let reality invade our fantasy, we’d be better off as far as ‘self-worth’ is concerned.  Or least, we can learn not to confuse it with bullsh*t expectations like some others.

But the other side of self-worth is not being aware of your own value. That can lead to a very, very dark route. The lists of things that can happen or go wrong are far too many to name. As a matter of fact I don’t have to name any; we can just look at the world around us. Why play yourself like a dollar menu item, when you know you at least want to be treated like an item from off the ‘Golden Corral’ buffet? Why settle being the side dish-when you have the untapped potential to be the main person, and maybe the best thing that’s ever happen to him or her.

Millions and millions of men and women short change themselves for what we think is ‘love’. Domestic abuse, cheating, etc. I know no one is perfect, but there should be a line or a limit of what you are willing to endure before leaving.

In the end self-worth can be the start of a beautiful life or the result of a dark existence. It really all depends who the person is. But know, with most things in life, it starts with you. So in the end ‘self-worth’ can be a positive and a negative in the world. If you have too much, you’re labeled as stuck on your-self and conceited. If you don’t have enough knowledge of self -worth, you can be the prey of a lot of predators in life. Which side of the line do you fall on?

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By Avorey Washington