Jealousy can be a horrible disease, crippling you as you pine for what another person has. What do you do, however, when you find jealousy within your relationship? It can be so easy to be jealous of your spouse; maybe they have a better job than you or they get more attention than you do. Maybe you are also jealous of the role that they play in your relationship (i.e. “why do I always have to be the responsible one, yet they can be so carefree?”). I have found myself being jealous of my mate for all of the reasons above. My man is very outgoing, carefree and gets a lot of attention no matter where he goes. If you are suffering from jealousy in your relationship, the worst thing that you could do is to try to hide that jealousy from your spouse. Here are 4 steps to help you gain back control in your relationship:

1. Admit To Yourself That You Are Jealous

This always has to be the first step. How do you know when you are jealous? Does it bother you when your spouse comes to talk to you about a daily accomplishment? Do you compare yourself against your spouse instead of seeing yourself as a part of a team? Start noticing when you feel jealousy around your spouse and make note of it.

2. Determine Why You Are Jealous

Jealousy usually comes from a feeling of lacking. Do you feel like you are lacking something in your life, your personality or your relationship? Do the accomplishments of your spouse make you feel inferior? Ask yourself if you feel adequate enough to be in a relationship with your spouse. If the answer is no, try to pinpoint the exact characteristics of your life that are making you feel inadequate.

3. Talk To Your Spouse

As I mentioned earlier, the worst thing that you could do is to pretend that you are not having this feelings towards your spouse. If you are in tuned with your spouse, they can probably already feel your frustration and will appreciate your honesty.Tell them directly that you are jealous, why you feel jealous and how you can work on ways to get past this jealousy.

4. Try to Encourage Instead of Discourage

If you are jealous of your spouse, one of your first modes of defense is probably to act like you don’t care about their accomplishments. Instead of just waiting to hear your spouse come and ‘brag’ about their accomplishments, find something to compliment them on first. Let them know that you appreciate them for the things that do daily. For instance, saying “you are looking so good today” or “do you you know how amazing your personality is?” will go a long way for both your spouse and yourself. People who are jealous of someone usually don’t give that person genuine compliments, so complimenting your spouse will make you believe that you aren’t jealous and will help you start to get over this jealousy.

The aim of this article is to comfort you in knowing that being jealous is a common human emotion. It is how you handle that emotion, though, that shows the strength of your self-esteem and your relationship.

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Written by Bryanda Law. Bryanda Law is the author behind the blog, Quirky, Brown Love, a blog that focuses on the importance of the positive portrayal of brown relationships and lifestyles in the media. On her blog you will find love stories, date night ideas and her latest series, the “Quirky, Fit + Fabulous” Challenge. Make sure to check her out on Twitter and Facebook.