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The Bible tells us, “He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing and receives favor . . .” (Proverbs 18:22). Are you ready for your good thing and favor?

If I say the word WIFE what is the first word that comes to your mind? I asked this question of the fan base for my dating and relationship blog Code Red Flag and the answers showed just how different life experiences and biases lead to different perceptions as to the meaning of certain words.

The most popular response was partner. Both men and women saw the wife’s position in a marriage not as subservient but as an equal. By definition, a partner is one who “takes part in an undertaking with another . . . with shared risks and profits. So as a wife, a woman would take part in the marriage assuming risks and reaping the benefits of the couple’s collaboration.

That doesn’t sound too bad. Maybe even a position that would interest a few women you know, myself included.

Other positive to marriage responses included: love, joy, purpose, stability, glue, queen, helpmate, co-Captain, soul mate, confidant, nurturer, family, children, selfless, commitment, peace, honored, understanding, lover, lifetime, everything, and my personal favorite, safety. All very nice characteristics of the kind of partner a wife should be to her husband. The kind of expectations one would hope to have in someone who has said yes to assuming all risks and working in collaboration to reap benefits.

Now there were some negative responses as well. Those included: replaced, no, Satan, run. I am thankful that those were few and far between. Those comments came from those who have been hurt by a loved one when they either missed or ignored the red flags that the mate they chose did not sign up to be a partner. The one they chose would not share in the risks to build an empire so later they could share the benefits. Instead, they chose someone who expected to only reap benefits and from that they now wish to run away and find a replacement who is unlike Satan. Yet, with that mindset are they truly ready for a replacement? Or are you just going to find the same characteristics in a different mate and continue to get it wrong in relationships?

While most people will agree that black love matters, prior hurts have made some folks bitter or unwilling to ever try to allow love back into their lives. They have yet to forgive the one who hurt them and fail to realize that they continue to hurt themselves by holding on to their pain. Our perceptions are formed not only by past life experiences but also from our ability to have faith and hope and take the first step without seeing the staircase.

That is what love is all about: opening our hearts and being vulnerable in spite of what has happened or what could happen. If we allow our futures to be formed by our thoughts and words we express then it is clear that those who speak life will have a bright future while those who speak negatively will continue to attract that which they seek.

It’s time we recognize our thoughts and words for what they are, the blueprint of what we ask the Universe to send to us. So when you think wife, think partner, not Satan. Have a winning mentality and attract a winner. Speak into existence the type of mate you want to attract. Also, be sure that you have the qualities that would attract such a mate.
Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag and Amazon bestselling author of Flag On The Play. Ms. Reid is also a legally trained Conflict Mediator/Coach who specializes in family and domestic disputes. Ms. Reid writes an advice column, hosts events, facilitates workshops, and speaks nationwide on a variety of topics. For more information email

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I love this post! It can definitely be hard to open our hearts and be vulnerable when we've been let down in the past...I love your optimistic outlook!

-Paige Mariah


Great post here. I agree, you have to wait for the right person.