Approaching the Pack: How to Talk to a Woman While She’s Out With Friends

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Today, on the Code Red Flag Facebook page, I shared this quote that one of my female friends posted on her timeline:

“I hear men say all the time that they don’t approach women in groups. Call me crazy, but that displays a remarkable lack of courage on a man’s part. It’s also a complete turnoff. If you’re intimidated by my friends then you weren’t good enough in the first place.”

This post has received approximately 100 comments; mostly from men crying foul! The guys commented that it isn’t intimidation that keeps them from approaching women who are out with their friends. Rather, as one put it, it’s due to how differently a woman acts around her friends in contrast to when she’s alone.  The dynamics of the pack make the approach more difficult and some men choose to not engage.

Personally, this sounds like fear or intimidation to me, but if you fellas say it’s not I will take your word for it. For those of you who want to engage a woman on a girl’s night out, here are some tips for engagement.

1. Before or as you’re approaching  smile. If she returns the smile it should be safe to approach.

2. Make sure your breath and hygiene are up to par. Do not, I repeat DO NOT approach a group of woman smelling like yesterday’s left out food.

3. Greet the pack (her group of friends), Be sure to smile, shake hands, and introduce yourself to each of them.

4. Make a quick pitch.  Remember, she came out with her girlfriends for a reason. You can’t expect to monopolize all her time. Say something like, “I see you’re here with your friends so I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I just wanted to take this opportunity to give you my phone number because I don’t know that I’ll ever see you again if I don’t. Give me a call sometime, I’d like to take you out and get to know you.”

5. Leave her alone for the rest of the night. In fact, you may want to leave the venue so she doesn’t see you making moves on other women or making a fool of yourself.

There you have it. No need to be intimidated, ehh, I mean worry about the group dynamics. Just make it sweet, simple, and quick then get out of dodge.


Ladies do you have any additional pointers?
Written by Dena Reid, Esq., Founder of Code Red Flag

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I just don't think it's a good idea to approach and feel obligated to go through a possible interrogation by the friends, in order to get a number. I'm an introvert, so I don't like small talk. I was one of those that believed women and men act differently when with their crew. I'd much rather approach a woman who is alone or maybe has stepped away from her friends. I don't think is fear, just avoiding unnecessary small talk.


You've got game! *AOL voice :) Girls night out is girls night out for a reason in my honest opinion... When/If I choose to go out, I'm earnestly just trying to have a few drinks and a good time... Come what may... I'm not a "pack hunter" even though I'm pretty sure I could be... If that's the his thing though, then I find this to be pretty solid advice...


I can understand why this would be more difficult for an introvert. Thanks for commenting.