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I love Steve Harvey’s book ‘Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man.’ I read the book cover to cover and saw the Think Like A Man movie including Think Like a Man 2 sequel twice! According to Mr. Harvey his “playbook” as he refers to it is going to help you understand how a man thinks, and what he thinks about you.

The problem or more of a question that I have is what are women suppose to do once you have followed the 90 day rule? You have determined that he is serious about you, you get married and then what live happily ever after?

I suppose that living happily ever after is a fairy tale for most but somewhat possible if you and the man you have selected are evenly yoked. If in fact you have done your homework, meaning discovering all the amazing things about you. But far too often we women are more fearful of being alone, and settle for a man that is not what we expected. We fall in love with his potential and believe that our love and support will change him into the person we feel that he can be.

Mr. Harvey wrote in his book that men respect standards and women need to have them. Standards are a set of rules or principals that you the person of authority has established and use as a guide to determine what is acceptable to you. In my opinion here lies the problem many women failed to establish standards when it comes to selecting a mate. We have standards when we are clothes, furniture, food and service shopping. We have standards in how people will treat us in the workplace, church and family, standards as to where we will dine, which airline we will frequent or the daycare that our children attend. So why do we not have standards when it comes to selecting a mate? Women are designed for romance, built for relationships without them our beauty fades, we become bitter, lonely, angry and resentful. Our heart yearns for romance and out of fear of being alone we reach out to the one who is giving us the immediate attention. He may look appealing but there are some red flags that you by pass because you begin to think that you can change him. You convince your self that no one is perfect, that it has been a long time since you have had the attention of a man. He has the potential to be and you fall in love with the possibility instead of the reality.

When you fail to establish standards then you are saying treat me in the manner that pleases you. You have given him the power that impacts your life on a daily basis.

In my era standards were taught at home by your parent (s) or grandparent (s). I recall my mother teaching my sister and I etiquette, yes ma’am or sir, thank you and please. Establishing eye contact while making conversation, poise and posture, appropriate dress and grooming. We were organized as we would prepare our school uniforms for the week ahead, and polishing our school shoes every night before bed. Every Sunday we wore our church dresses, pantyhose and dress shoes a huge contrast to today’s come as you are attire. We would have been excommunicated had we worn jeans and flip flops to church in my day. Just to go grocery shopping we dressed in our casual dress clothes and styled our hair. Today it looks as though some women just rolled out of bed and barely splashed water on their face at the supermarkets or the mall.

When my sister and I began dating our mother became a compatibility expert. Every guy she asked the same questions: what church did he attend, his future plans, who were his parents, and what he liked about me. We were so embarrassed by her relentless inquisitions. I asked her why must she and her response was first this gets rid of the weeds “I want to make sure that he is aware that he is dating a woman of value and that if he is being honored with this privilege to date you he should appreciate the opportunity.

My sister and I witness first hand how my mother established high standards for her self. She was a young single parent who was very selective in who she dated. Never did my sister and I awake and find a boyfriend in our mother’s bed. She always placed God first and us second.

Mom taught us to discover who we were as a person, to birth a dream and then nurture it. To believe in our abilities before we began looking for a mate. She said that if were busy working on our dreams that the right man would arrive.

In today’s society I wonder who is teaching our young women standards. It never ceases to amaze me when I watch the talk shows filled with women screaming “you are the father”! Only to be embarrassed when the first, second , third and sometimes the fourth man is not the baby daddy. Do you really need a lie detector test to reveal what you already know,that he is sleeping with your sister, girlfriend, cousin, or mother?

Are we so far removed from our feminine standards that we must twerk, booty bounce, curse, strip and fight on national television to earn fame and fortune? While surfing on the internet I have witnessed grandma, auntie and little girls who are 3 and 4 years of age twerking, performing dances that you would see at a strip club! This is not lady like behavior. Steve Harvey said act like a lady I doubt if many of us understand the meaning of lady.The dictionary defines lady as refined, polite, well spoken, superior social position of, noble birth. What we see on television is not lady like behavior with celebrities posing nude, twerking, snake dancing on the floor etc. Teach your little girls the art of feminine decorum and your sons how to be gentlemen. Allow them to carry your packages, open your car door, take the garbage out, teach them how to treat you as a queen so that they will treat someone’s daughter as their queen. Make sure that the man in your life opens the car door, pulls your seat out and honors you.

Ladies get back on track before you get married or have a baby or another one. Take the time to set some standards. Get to know you. Learn everything about you. Learn your likes, dislikes, maybes, explore you instincts, turn a dream into a goal. Live and become the best you.
Written by Angela Ahbez. Check out her blog A Brand New Me.

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