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When I was younger I loved the rapper Trina. I thought she was so dope. Sure she was a little dirty with her lyrics, but she was also bold and unapologetic which I love. I remember she had a song talking about wanting a 50/50 love. While I enjoyed the song I knew something was wrong. Who the hell wants half of a person’s love. I definitely do not. That’s bound to lead to a divorce.

I would like to think she meant she wanted someone who was meeting her halfway, but since language is important let’s talk about it. When I hear people say they want a 50/50 marriage or they have a 50/50 marriage I cringe. I instantly think to myself they will have a 100% divorce. In a marriage you need to be giving 100% of yourself. It will not always be roses and sunshine, and in the dark times you are going to need to be able and willing to give 100% of yourself to make it work.

In a marriage you have to love someone at their worse. When they have gambled away the light bill money (if this a pattern professional help may be needed), when they wreck your car and you can’t afford the insurance deductible, when they are short on their half of the rent you still have to love them. There is no way you can do that giving 50 %of yourself. I am not saying let them walk all over you and use you, I am simply saying marriage will get hard, and it really aint real if you haven’t broken at least one rule you originally set for yourself.

Back to giving half, what does half look like? Does that mean clean the living room and not the kitchen? Or does it mean you said something nice to them in the morning but since it is night time, the second half of the day, you are done being nice? See how ridiculous this all sounds? So does saying you want to give half of yourself to your marriage.

Still not convinced? Here are five reasons giving 50% of yourself in a marriage is not ok.

1. Reciprocity. More often than not people are only willing to give what they are given. This means if you are half assing it your partner will do the same. Seems fair right, except for the fact we all want more. More money, hugs, time spent, love it doesn’t matter we all want more and you cannot get more out of to people only giving half of themselves.

2. It leaves room for you to be mediocre. Mediocrity leaves rooms for complacency and that is terrible in a marriage. When we become complacent we stop trying. We no longer do the extras that made the person want to be with us.You have no reason to go the extra mile, send the flowers for no reason, leave him a love note or whatever you two do.

3. If we were giving a grade you would be failing. In no school ever is a 50 ok. I do not want a failing love, do you?

4. You get lazy. In a relationship that is 50/50 you get to sit around and wait. Wait for your spouse to do something so you can return the favor. Why? If you are home and laundry needs to be done, do it. If you feel like the sex is lacking in your relationship initiate it. All this waiting around for your spouse only makes the quality of the relationship decrease.

How much are you giving in your relationship?
Written by Toya Carter, M.Ed, Author of The Wife’s Guide to Beating the Side Chick. . Mrs. Toya Carter is a relationship and empowerment coach who is dedicated to helping women find their happily ever after no matter what it looks like for them. To learn more you can visit her site, follow her on Instagram and Twitter. Be sure to check out her fan page on Facebook as well.

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