3 BIG MISCONCEPTIONS WOMEN HAVE ABOUT MEN THEY DATE!
Do you think you know everything there is to know about men? Think again! Here are three common misconceptions women make about men they date.
1. Standards will push him away
I don’t know why this is, but for some reason women have been convinced they aren’t allowed to have standards. Too many women have been led to believe they have to compromise or lower their expectations, standards or values because men have all the leverage and only they have the ability to pick and choose and be super selective. The irony in this is usually that notion comes from other women.
If you ask most men, the truth is they have no problem with and are actually attracted to women with standards and who actually take a little pride in who they are and aren’t willing to put up with or settle for just anyone. However, the kicker is being able to differentiate and not confuse your checklist with true values. Six feet 9 inches, a six-pack and six figures might be what you like or want in a man but the work ethic, loyalty and spirituality are values and what you may need in a man. I think what turns most men off about the idea of standards is not that you have them. It’s that they come in the form of a rule book (or checklist).
Let your values drive your dating decisions, not your checklists. The better you feel about yourself and the more valuable you feel, the more valuable decisions you will make in dating. Your standards won’t have to be spoken because your expectations will speak for you. Raise your expectations and they might just be met!
2. Men need sex quickly in order to stick around
Sex is not as a high a commodity as you may think when a man is dating with the purpose of finding a mate. Believe it or not, men like the buildup and the building of intimacy that comes along with the dating process. If his purpose in dating is to find sex, then he might leave you alone if he doesn’t get it quickly. However, if you’re looking for a mate, then you should be happy he moved on.
“Men will go through great lengths to get the woman they want.”
Truth is your sex, no matter how much of that Beyoncé song “Rocket” you listen to, will not be the deciding factor in if he chooses to seriously date you. It’s the substance, connection, chemistry and compatibility that will determine that. Take your sex game off the pedestal and put your substance game on top of it.
Example: Instead of bringing out your rule book on the first date and saying “I don’t have sex with men until after the three-month mark,” say “I really value intimacy and a man who can connect with me emotionally. If that connection is valuable enough, it makes sex way more meaningful.”
See the difference? The man who wants you and respects you and your values won’t have an issue with you having them.
3. Men don’t want committed relationships
I speak to men all of the time that desire serious and committed relationships. Four of my closest friends got married this year and another is now engaged. I scroll through Facebook and see how many people get engaged daily. With that said, we can’t keep saying men don’t want serious relationships. You may just have to step back and do a self-assessment or accept the fact that maybe he just didn’t want one with you…and that’s OK.
It’s easier to displace the blame before we take a look inside and see what we may be doing wrong, and it’s hard to accept that sometimes we just aren’t a good match with someone. Gut check: Why should he want a relationship with you anyway when you said you were cool with being friends with benefits?
We’ve all seen the story of him telling you he didn’t want a relationship, but then he ends up in a relationship one month later with someone else and looks more in love than ever. You’ve never seen that happen, huh?! Oh…OK…I see. Well if not, ask your friends.
Ladies, if you don’t remember anything from this blog, remember this: When it’s right, it’s easy! Men will go through great lengths to get the woman they want and a few standards won’t stop him if you are who he truly wants and a relationship is what he truly desires.
What are some other misconceptions women have about men they are dating?
Written by Troy Spry, Founder of Xklusive Thoughts and Author of Teach Me to Love.
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